How To Be

We need to be able to connect to ourselves and quieten our minds, to find moments of stillness and silence. It is the pause, the slowing down, that enables us to maintain momentum through allowing ourselves to just be, and to know how we are feeling. We can relax our preoccupation with productivity and achievement which may create internal pressure, stress and overwhelm. Sometimes it’s not what we need to do, or the action that we need to take that moves us forwards.

If we can find our centre and feel grounded we can find a sense of rootedness, belonging and safety within ourselves. By reconnecting to an internal sense of space we can resource ourselves. Our state, or embodied emotional well-being, informs how we meet the world and any internal or external challenges. Rather than avoid or distract by being busy, we can cultivate presence and awareness of the felt sense of things rather than our thinking about things.

On Making Space For Yourself - Project Self Life Coaching

On Making Space For Yourself

Feeling a lack of space in life is often felt through body sensations. When we feel there isn’t room for anything else or anymore we feel compressed internally, jammed up, jammed in; full. A kind of rigidity or a sense of being braced. Physically we may be tight, tense, holding our breath or not breathing fully. We may feel squashed or restricted across the chest and our throat scratchy or constricted and our jaws might feel tight. All types of holding patterns. Feeling a lack of space in life may be reflected by a lack of spaciousness internally. Without spaciousness…
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On Being Too Busy - Project Self Life Coaching

On Being Too Busy

I am not busy. This sometimes feels like a dirty secret or a guilty confession within today’s social norm. I have only just released myself from the ‘shoulding’ of busyness. A part of me has been telling myself that I should be doing more with my time, with my life. Busy means to be active and engaged, to not be ‘at leisure’.  I believe that being is also a way to be actively engaged with life. I’m one of those people who looks for the spaces between commitments in their calendar, rather than a person who likes to see they…
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On Slowing Down - Project Self Life Coaching

On Slowing Down

This is the second part of a piece reflecting on time. Wasting Time explored the link between values of achievement and the need to be busy, rushing and filling time. Slowing down time is about developing our capacity to be still, find pauses, value moments and appreciate time by being present; being in time not working against it. Slowing down time is about slowing ourselves down. We can create a sense of time and space for ourselves; only through deliberate choices about our relationship with time. Manage time by saying no to an unnecessary sense of obligation. Be mindful and realistic…
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On Wasting Time - Project Self Life Coaching

On Wasting Time

What’s your relationship with time? This piece is the first part of two explorations into Time: 1) fast time 2) slow time. Time is the back drop, the crucible, the catalyst. The start and stop, the constant duration and the spaces in between. It’s a measure of the past, present and future of our life-time, but also now and the split second moment that has just passed of our living-time. It’s a stream and an interval, preparation, the event and the dissection. How amazing that one concept affects so much of our reality in so many varied ways. It defines existence…
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On Feeling Grounded- Project Self Life Coaching

On Feeling Grounded

What does it mean to be Grounded? The traditional definition of someone being grounded is that they are well-balanced and sensible. The implication is that they remain level-headed despite a context or circumstances which could carry them away, such as great wealth or success which may go to their head, or that they don’t flap in a crisis. They keep a sense of proportion, remain in touch with reality and with themselves and see things in perspective. Grounded people ‘keep their feet on the ground’ and so are down to earth. In more spiritual terms or in self-development language the…
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On Being Into Something - Project Self Life Coaching

On Being Into Something

I disappeared this summer. I lost myself in a creative project. I let myself be taken over by it; let it be the most important thing in my life. It became my focus, the source of my energy and the distraction of it. It was a joyful and challenging immersion. It was all I thought about and all I wanted to think about it. There was little space for anything else in my life. This kind of creative immersion is often described as flow (Csikszentmihalyi). It was both exhausting and exhilarating to be so caught up and in something. Invested and…
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On Not Being Productive - Project Self Life Coaching

On Not Being Productive

Along with “Have you had a good day”? how often are we asked: “Have you had a productive day” or “What have you done today”? ’Good’ as a measure or description seems open to interpretation since a day can be good for a number of varied and subjective reasons. But productive as a measure holds within it an implicit judgement. Have you done something useful with your life today? Have you been constructive? Applied yourself, achieved? Been energetic, focused? It feels as though a productive day is ‘good’ and related to success. So that if we haven’t been productive somehow…
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ON DOING NOTHING - Project Self Life Coaching

On Doing Nothing

Mind the gap is a familiar warning. Mine to you would be make the gap. Find the gap. The interval; the interlude; the break; the empty space.     Create space; find time; in between… Ensure that there is a space between arrival and departure, between one thing and the next, between one zone and another. Be aware of those moments, those transitions and transactions. Find those un-named, ill-defined places without purpose. Relish their vacuum and step into them. They are opportunities for respite, reflection and rest. For being without mission or requirement or determination. Don’t avoid them or rush to…
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On Silence - Project Self Life Coaching

On Silence

To live, is to be within surroundings. To be surrounded is often to be within sound. Often, noise. Being in noise; both external and internal, can threaten one’s internal equilibrium; yet sometimes it can be as difficult to tolerate silence as it is noise. We can find it uncomfortable and search to fill it with words, with background noise, with action that can dispitate the moment of space and stillness. As if silence is an absence of things that need to be found and a space once opened up, that needs to be refilled. Silence is active. It is not the…
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On Feeling Discomfort - Project Self Life Coaching

On Making Change

This post is written around the New Year, but the ‘New Year’ can be any point in time we take to reflect on the larger picture, larger timescale. The New Year, more than any other time is a chance to feel optimistic about what may be ahead; to relish the unknown, to anticipate and welcome change. For me, it’s not a time to list goals, but a time to reflect on where I am in my life. Some years nothing seems to change much, as whatever it is we are in is still unfolding. We may feel like we are…
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