How to Be Ok With What Is

When things are difficult, we can feel threatened and unsafe, which creates fear and anxiety. Our negative thinking and our inner critic can escalate as we try to manage our vulnerability.

When we are outside of our comfort zone or being asked to change, we may feel stuck, feel resistance and then procrastinate. It is hard for us to lean into discomfort in any experience and find acceptance in what we can and can’t influence in our situation. And yet acceptance is an empowering choice with which to meet and move forwards in a world outside of our control.

On Resilience and Emotional Drain

Project Self

What does it mean to be resilient? Resilience is commonly described as being able to withstand and bounce back from negative experiences. Resilience is not the capacity to not feel, like a teflon skinned human; unaffected. It’s not the capacity to carry on regardless in the face of adversity. It’s not endurance. It’s the capacity to experience; sometimes extreme emotional difficulties, and recover; with the emphasis on recover. To bow but not break. To stay calm even in the bow. To adapt and not hit out, or in. For me, resilience is that our value and attitude towards our self…

On Getting Out Of Your Own Way

Project Self

I had a conversation with someone recently who was anxious about an important forthcoming meeting. As we often do, he had expectations and hopes. He was very invested in the outcome and potential significance of the meeting. He was concerned things wouldn’t go as he wanted them to. He was afraid of disappointment. He worried about how he would be perceived by the other person. He felt the meeting could affect his future and not knowing which way the meeting would lead, he played out different scenarios in his head. The meeting was with someone he didn’t know. All he knew…

On Feeling Lost and Not Knowing

Project Self

What does it mean to feel lost? To feel lost is to be stalled, to feel a loss of onward motion. When the wind leaves our sails, often without warning, the trajectory we were on is no longer viable; we can’t proceed. We have lost power, momentum, and with it inclination. We have no driving force, we are no longer a driver. Lost one’s way? Lost a sense of purpose? To be lost is to not know. To feel we don’t know where we are heading, to not know where to look, what to look for or how to find our way…

On Embracing Change

Project Self

Our life is not just one life but a multiple series of shorter life frames where the parameters of our life alter, and so we are different at various times in our life. It is helpful not to see ourself as one defined person. We change, life changes, things can’t stay the same; it’s the natural order and flow of the Universe. Uncertainty is a constant, as are the everyday challenges to our life and our sense of self. Clients describe having lost sight of who they are, as well as finding it hard to be who they are. Our…

On Resistance

Project Self

What We Resist, Persists. Resistance can be seen as a relationship between negative and positive energy. Some people may view resistance as strength of character. Resisting the pull of the things we know are bad for us but want anyway. A decision that reflects self restraint and control. An act of defiance and will power. What we want in that moment and a more refined capacity to step back and consider the implications. A refusal to comply or give in. Will power is perhaps more to do with not giving in, maintaining consistent actions in line with long term goals,…

On Doing Nothing

Project Self

Mind the gap is a familiar warning. Mine to you would be make the gap. Find the gap. The interval; the interlude; the break; the empty space. Create space; find time; in between… Ensure that there is a space between arrival and departure, between one thing and the next, between one zone and another. Be aware of those moments, those transitions and transactions. Find those un-named, ill-defined places without purpose. Relish their vacuum and step into them. They are opportunities for respite, reflection and rest. For being without mission or requirement or determination. Don’t avoid them or rush to…

On Letting Go

Project Self

Most of us understand the importance of letting go to move on. But often there’s a sense that letting go is as simple as letting a fish swim out of your hand into a river, or a balloon into the air – release, of returning things to their natural order – of lightness, letting things be. But it requires focus and effort. It can be an emotional wrench. To relinquish is to voluntarily cease to keep or claim. To cease a claim on something that isn’t actually ours. Are we trying to keep the fish in hand against its will?…

On Questioning

Project Self

Coaching is fundamentally based on the skill of asking questions. The power of coaching lies in being able to ask the right kind of question at the right time. This can clarify, trigger, challenge or reveal; but results in a fundamental shift in mindset or position for the client. Curiosity, exploration, reflection and enquiry creates insight and discovery. The question itself can be quite simple, but its power lies in pertinence. Someone asking us a question prompts us to question our self and to hear our answer out loud, which we may already know at a deeper level, but may…

On Being Ok Where You Are

Project Self

“We are at where we are at”. This was often said by one of my life coaching course trainers and has stayed with me. The starting point of coaching is to accept where we are. And if we don’t really want to be there, to accept that too. Too often we create stress wishing things were not the way they were or wishing things were different, often berating ourselves and our capacity to do something about it in the process. This is a positive place to start; where we are. Before acceptance comes awareness. Coaching is often at its most…

How to Be Ok With What Is

On Resilience and Emotional Drain

On Getting Out Of Your Own Way

On Feeling Lost and Not Knowing

On Embracing Change

On Resistance

On Doing Nothing

On Letting Go

On Questioning

On Being Ok Where You Are

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