antonia@projectself.co.uk
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Project Self Life Coaching

How to Be Ok With What Is

When things are difficult, we can feel threatened and unsafe, which creates fear and anxiety. Our negative thinking and our inner critic can escalate as we try to manage our vulnerability.

When we are outside of our comfort zone or being asked to change, we may feel stuck, feel resistance and then procrastinate. It is hard for us to lean into discomfort in any experience and find acceptance in what we can and can’t influence in our situation. And yet acceptance is an empowering choice with which to meet and move forwards in a world outside of our control.

ON NOT FEELING BAD - Project Self Life Coaching

On Not Feeling Bad

Project Self
We often feel bad about ourselves, conflating how we can behave with who we are. We can also feel a dislike for who we are and also feel deep down, a sense that we lack worth as a human being. And so we tread heavily on the earth, comparing our weighty lack of substance to the seemingly Sorted & Successful Ariel figures around us.  Welcome to the walk of shame. The walking dead. The human experience of walking around feeling like there’s a cloud, a shadow, hanging over you; a weight on your chest; a restriction in your throat or an emptiness…
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ON NOT KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT - Project Self Life Coaching

On Not Knowing What You Want

Project Self
Not knowing what we want seems to be a common experience and to cause discomfort. Why is the question “What do you want?” so difficult to answer when it’s focused on you and your life? It’s an alarmingly spacious inquiry, full of invitation and possibility, a what if? whilst simultaneously requiring definition and self-knowledge. There’s a strong polarity in this seemingly simple query. It’s a challenging question. It puts you on the spot. It’s asking you for clarity. And the kind of clarity that comes from the heart. It asks you to dig deep and to name simply.  The question assumes: we…
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ON NOT BEING A BETTER PERSON - Project Self Life Coaching

On Not Being A Better Person

Project Self
“All of us think we are a little better than we really are. All of us think we are a little worse than we really are”. Michael Yapko I’m beginning to rebel against the concept of Being a Better Person. You might think what’s wrong with wanting to be better person? Within the dictionary definition of ‘better’, I found that it does relate to increasing good qualities, but more prevalently, it describes surpassing, superiority, preferability, acceptability. Bettering oneself speaks historically of status. Being a better person suggests we need to improve. Sure, we could all be nicer, kinder people with healthier,…
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On Living Lonely - Project Self Life Coaching

On Living Lonely

Project Self
Alone and loneliness are one-ness. It is just us. And the rest of the world. Even though the rest of the world is made up of us; this pain of separation can become more defining of our sense of self than the concept of unity, universality, humanity and the experience of connection. A great paradox of living is being free and seeking to be tethered. By tethering I mean moored, secured, bonded to someone, something; to be with, in or part of other. To fit. To be known. We seek to be seen by others to see ourselves. We need…
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ON SADNESS, PAIN AND LOVE - Project Self Life Coaching

On Sadness, Pain and Love

Project Self
It’s very rare that a client does not express a pain or sadness that they carry within them. Change Coaching for me is a balance between compassion and challenge. We all need to be met compassionately in our pain by another. The challenge is allowing ourselves and our pain to be seen and expressed. To not be fearful of experiencing our own sadness. To be compassionate towards that we cannot change. Life is not about being happy. Life is about feeling, being alive to and accepting all our emotions; the great spectrum and tide of the human experience; not editing…
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On Frustration, Anger and Assertiveness - Project Self Life Coaching

On Frustration, Anger and Assertiveness

Project Self
Wanting To Tell The World and Everyone In It To Fuck Off Ever gone through one of those phases where you just want everyone and everything to piss off and leave you be? Where every little exchange with people seems to be a snipe, thoughtless? Other people just wind you up? You go into town and politely ask the woman parking at the end of the bay if she could move forward so you can park behind and her and she won’t, and you think you rude, selfish, cow to yourself, or you might even say something to her through…
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On Managing ‘Creeping Death’ - Waiting your turn to introduce yourself - Project Self Life Coaching

On Managing ‘Creeping Death’ – Waiting your turn to introduce yourself

Project Self
Do you experience social anxiety? What happens to you when you have to introduce yourself in a group? “Oh God I’m going to have to speak. In front of all these people. I knew it. I don’t want to go first. Why do they make us do this? Oh no, I don’t want to go last. Say something about myself. Introduce myself. I don’t know what to say. I’ve got nothing interesting to say. I hate this bit. Listen to her she sounded great, looks good too. You can tell this a breeze for her. Everyone else is so confident.…
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On Having A Tantrum - Project Self Life Coaching

On Having A Tantrum

Project Self
Do you ever get that feeling that you’d just like to have a full blown tantrum in all its childish glory? I heard a child the other day in full expression of their pain and frustration, tearfully and angrily shouting “why is everything always my fault”? It seemed so honest in its emotion. I connected with that, felt envious even. The feeling, desire and capacity to throw a hissy fit, a paddy, crying and shouting in full blood rushing freedom. Just the rawness of the pain and the unfairness of life. The desire to wail and pummel, “I’m so tired…
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On Feeling Resistance - Project Self Life Coaching

On Feeling Resistance

Project Self
Resistance is a common response to change. We all feel some ambivalence towards change. Basically, resistance is trying to avoid uncomfortable feelings that don’t go away. It’s a little bit like knowing the truth, pretending we don’t but eventually acceding to it. It’s a time-delaying tactic until we are ready. A self-protecting, avoidant, coping strategy. And it’s entirely natural and normal. There is nothing wrong with anyone being resistant in the same way as there is nothing wrong with feeling fear. When we are resistant we are unconsciously avoiding the painful, challenging thing we don’t want to face, rather than…
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ON WANTING RECOGNITION - Project Self Life Coaching

On Wanting Recognition

Project Self
See me, feel me, touch me, heal me. Listening to you I get the music. Gazing at you I get the heat. Following you I climb the mountain. I get excitement at your feet! Right behind you I see the millions. On you I see the glory. From you I get opinions. From you I get the story. Roger Daltrey Imagine if these words were said about you? You’d probably get a positive sense of yourself, of being seen by another, of being felt by another. Of your impact being appreciated. We all need someone to ‘get’ us. One of…
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