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Project Self

How To Be Resilient

On Boundaries (Protection and Connection)

Project Self

Boundaries are a fascinating area to explore in terms of how we show up in the world, how we make our presence felt and how we relate to others whilst relating to ourselves. Boundaries mark the interplay between us and the other, the meeting of the internal and the external. Most of us need to make some adjustment in terms of how we conceive of our boundaries and in implementing them. It astounded me when I first learnt to fly to learn that the sky is divided up into different zones or areas on a flight map, much as the…

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On Managing ‘Creeping Death’ – Waiting your turn to introduce yourself

Project Self

What happens to you when you have to introduce yourself in a group? “Oh God I’m going to have to speak. In front of all these people. I knew it. I don’t want to go first. Why do they make us do this? Oh no, I don’t want to go last. Say something about myself. Introduce myself. I don’t know what to say. I’ve got nothing interesting to say. I hate this bit. Listen to her she sounded great, looks good too. You can tell this a breeze for her. Everyone else is so confident. Why is it just me?…

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On Self Compassion

Project Self

What’s the most significant relationship in your life? It’s the relationship you have with yourself. We have a continuous and inescapable relationship with our self. And it’s the most fundamental relationship in our adult life. But our relationship with our self can flux and suffer. It needs appreciation, attention and investment like any other. The self is our personal experience of our aliveness in the world. Our relationship with how we experience our living of life, our beingness. Our ‘simple self’ is our essential capacity to enjoy being our self as is. This is our inherent value and worth, contribution…

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On Loss, Pain and Lostness

Project Self

Loss is the state of being deprived of, or of being without something that we once had. It’s a natural part of the cycle of change. Loss is integral to growth. Loss is also the sense of something we haven’t had in our life, where our needs haven’t been met. Where we are growing, but with the sense of absence. There is also a kind of natural loss where we lose interest, that which was so meaningful loses it’s value. We can’t maintain the keeping. We cannot keep a growing stack of treasures; collect more and more. That which is…

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On Resilience and Emotional Drain

Project Self

What does it mean to be resilient? Resilience is commonly described as being able to withstand and bounce back from negative experiences. Resilience is not the capacity to not feel, like a teflon skinned human; unaffected. It’s not the capacity to carry on regardless in the face of adversity. It’s not endurance. It’s the capacity to experience; sometimes extreme emotional difficulties, and recover; with the emphasis on recover. To bow but not break. To stay calm even in the bow. To adapt and not hit out, or in. For me, resilience is that our value and attitude towards our self…

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On Finding Balance

Project Self

There’s a beautiful concept held in the mathematically designed Gomboc. It’s an object that self-rights itself whichever way it is pushed over. It has one point of stability and one of instability and will always return to the stable point. The shape was modelled on a tortoise which uses it’s shell to rock itself back onto its feet once it’s been turned over, and is dependent on doing so for survival. If the Gomboc was a conscious being, rather than an object, imagine what it would feel knowing that whatever forces conspired against it, it had the capacity to withstand…

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