How to Move Forwards

There is always movement; nature is always moving. Even when we feel stuckness. Even when we feel resistance, there is a part of us wanting to go forward whilst another pulls back. In order to move forwards we need to address what’s holding us back, attend to what needs attention and feel our fears. We need to allow ourselves to connect to and acknowledge what matters to us. We need to own up to where we are procrastinating or what we are avoiding and questioning, know our motivations and take self responsibility. We also need to allow ourselves joy and give ourselves permission to do what we want. Ultimately we need confidence and courage.

On Struggling - Project Self Life Coaching

On Struggling

It’s often said we don’t know what someone is struggling with, or battling with and that everyone has their own personal struggle of some kind. Clients often bring something, an issue or problem they are ‘struggling’ with. What do we mean when we say we are struggling with something? That something is hard, challenging or difficult to resolve? That we are coping with a sense of inability to do something ‘well’? That we are trying to make something happen and it’s not? That we are tangled in something and can’t find a way through because we don’t know what to…
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On Finding Movement in Stuckness- Project Self Life Coaching

On Finding Movement in Stuckness

Feeling stuck is a common experience and yet there are different energies within stuckness, so it’s important to explore in depth what someone means when they describe themselves as stuck. We generally have three choices when it comes to a situation. Move away from it, towards it or to stay where we are (standing still). Moving away can be either backing away – withdrawing or contracting  – or heading away and leaving proactively. Towards can be in gentle, welcome invitation and curiosity, or pushing into/against. Staying where we are can bring different emotions depending on our attitude to the position.…
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On Feeling Into Fear - Project Self Life Coaching

On Feeling Into Fear

Fear, I believe, is our most predominant emotion as it’s driven from our survival instinct. We are navigated through life by our threat detection mechanism; our nervous system, our primeval brain, our mammalian nature; checking experience (or future experience) out as either physically and emotionally safe, not safe or potentially not safe. Our need for safety drives our personality and behaviour towards being self-protective; dominating our natural capacity to respond from an open place of calm and compassion towards others (and self). Fear is a fundamental disallowing of ourselves to be available for connection or totally open to the present moment. Fear is live…
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On Blowing Things Out - Project Self Life Coaching

On Blowing Things Out

What do you when you don’t want to follow up on a plan or arrangement because you no longer feel like it? Do you feel like a flaky and non committal person? How do you feel about pre-existing commitments when you find you’re in a low energy, low mood?  When you don’t feel up to, or for, the things you thought you would? When you feel contracted, collapsed, strung out, miserable or maybe triggered or upset by someone or something and so feel disinterest, resistance or resentment towards the things you were going to do? Plans you made when you…
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On Finding Joy - Project Self Life Coaching

On Finding Joy

Negative feelings may sometimes feel more pervasive to us than positive ones in our daily life, and happiness a tad evasive. Why is this?  Could it be we give negative feelings more significance than positive ones; more weight? That we think there must be something wrong so ruminate, scrutinise and analyse these feelings, taking them into our thinking and so make them worse? Could it be that negative feelings feel deeper, bigger or heavier than lighter ones, so we notice them more as they are more predominant in our consciousness, more concentrated in our physiology? Essentially our brain and so our…
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ON ATTENDING TO WHAT NEEDS ATTENTION - Project Self Life Coaching

On Attending To What Needs Attention

Attention is potentially the greatest instrument we have to transform the quality of our life. I have been asked a good question as a prompt a few times: what percentage of you is actually here right now? What percentage of you is giving this article your attention? What would it be like to decide to give it your full attention? How might your experience change? What might you notice or become aware of, once you decide to be fully present; not just to this piece of writing, but to yourself in reading it? What comes up (thoughts, resistance, excuses, feelings,…
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On Feeling Resistance - Project Self Life Coaching

On Feeling Resistance

Resistance is a common response to change. We all feel some ambivalence towards change. Basically, resistance is trying to avoid uncomfortable feelings that don’t go away. It’s a little bit like knowing the truth, pretending we don’t but eventually acceding to it. It’s a time-delaying tactic until we are ready. A self-protecting, avoidant, coping strategy. And it’s entirely natural and normal. There is nothing wrong with anyone being resistant in the same way as there is nothing wrong with feeling fear. When we are resistant we are unconsciously avoiding the painful, challenging thing we don’t want to face, rather than…
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On Slowing Down - Project Self Life Coaching

On Slowing Down

This is the second part of a piece reflecting on time. Wasting Time explored the link between values of achievement and the need to be busy, rushing and filling time. Slowing down time is about developing our capacity to be still, find pauses, value moments and appreciate time by being present; being in time not working against it. Slowing down time is about slowing ourselves down. We can create a sense of time and space for ourselves; only through deliberate choices about our relationship with time. Manage time by saying no to an unnecessary sense of obligation. Be mindful and realistic…
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ON WANTING RECOGNITION - Project Self Life Coaching

On Wanting Recognition

See me, feel me, touch me, heal me. Listening to you I get the music. Gazing at you I get the heat. Following you I climb the mountain. I get excitement at your feet! Right behind you I see the millions. On you I see the glory. From you I get opinions. From you I get the story. Roger Daltrey Imagine if these words were said about you? You’d probably get a positive sense of yourself, of being seen by another, of being felt by another. Of your impact being appreciated. We all need someone to ‘get’ us. One of…
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On Knowing You Can Do It - Project Self Life Coaching

On Knowing You Can Do It

Why do we need to hear the words ‘everything is going to be okay’ or ‘you’ll be fine’ from someone else? What difference can those fairly innocuous words really make? Several clients this week have voiced that they need reassurance. Clients who are making changes in their life and are standing at the point of commitment. In fact one had already taken the step they needed, but were feeling doubtful now they were standing in the new position about the unfolding challenges more tangibly ahead, whilst another needed reassurance to start taking the steps. The question behind the need for reassurance is  “Can…
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