Posts by Project Self

On Living Lonely - Project Self Life Coaching

On Living Lonely

Alone and loneliness are one-ness. It is just us. And the rest of the world. Even though the rest of the world is made up of us; this pain of separation can become more defining of our sense of self than the concept of unity, universality, humanity and the experience of connection. A great paradox of living is being free and seeking to be tethered. By tethering I mean moored, secured, bonded to someone, something; to be with, in or part of other. To fit. To be known. We seek to be seen by others to see ourselves. We need…
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ON SADNESS, PAIN AND LOVE - Project Self Life Coaching

On Sadness, Pain and Love

It’s very rare that a client does not express a pain or sadness that they carry within them. Change Coaching for me is a balance between compassion and challenge. We all need to be met compassionately in our pain by another. The challenge is allowing ourselves and our pain to be seen and expressed. To not be fearful of experiencing our own sadness. To be compassionate towards that we cannot change. Life is not about being happy. Life is about feeling, being alive to and accepting all our emotions; the great spectrum and tide of the human experience; not editing…
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On Frustration, Anger and Assertiveness - Project Self Life Coaching

On Frustration, Anger and Assertiveness

Wanting To Tell The World and Everyone In It To Fuck Off Ever gone through one of those phases where you just want everyone and everything to piss off and leave you be? Where every little exchange with people seems to be a snipe, thoughtless? Other people just wind you up? You go into town and politely ask the woman parking at the end of the bay if she could move forward so you can park behind and her and she won’t, and you think you rude, selfish, cow to yourself, or you might even say something to her through…
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On Managing ‘Creeping Death’ - Waiting your turn to introduce yourself - Project Self Life Coaching

On Managing ‘Creeping Death’ – Waiting your turn to introduce yourself

Do you experience social anxiety? What happens to you when you have to introduce yourself in a group? “Oh God I’m going to have to speak. In front of all these people. I knew it. I don’t want to go first. Why do they make us do this? Oh no, I don’t want to go last. Say something about myself. Introduce myself. I don’t know what to say. I’ve got nothing interesting to say. I hate this bit. Listen to her she sounded great, looks good too. You can tell this a breeze for her. Everyone else is so confident.…
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On Having A Tantrum - Project Self Life Coaching

On Having A Tantrum

Do you ever get that feeling that you’d just like to have a full blown tantrum in all its childish glory? I heard a child the other day in full expression of their pain and frustration, tearfully and angrily shouting “why is everything always my fault”? It seemed so honest in its emotion. I connected with that, felt envious even. The feeling, desire and capacity to throw a hissy fit, a paddy, crying and shouting in full blood rushing freedom. Just the rawness of the pain and the unfairness of life. The desire to wail and pummel, “I’m so tired…
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On Feeling Resistance - Project Self Life Coaching

On Feeling Resistance

Resistance is a common response to change. We all feel some ambivalence towards change. Basically, resistance is trying to avoid uncomfortable feelings that don’t go away. It’s a little bit like knowing the truth, pretending we don’t but eventually acceding to it. It’s a time-delaying tactic until we are ready. A self-protecting, avoidant, coping strategy. And it’s entirely natural and normal. There is nothing wrong with anyone being resistant in the same way as there is nothing wrong with feeling fear. When we are resistant we are unconsciously avoiding the painful, challenging thing we don’t want to face, rather than…
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On internal change - Project Self Life Coaching

On Internal Change

Small internal changes create greater changes in our capacity to conceive and engage with a richer life, so that the ‘change effect’ works as a kind of feedback loop. Change brings about change. 1. When we talk we voice silent thoughts. Through responding to questioning we hear our own answers, which enables greater insight. As we explore words we reform thoughts, and make new sense. 2. As we reveal, uncover and understand, we feel less overwhelmed so we feel lighter. When we feel lighter, we feel more able to move. 3. When we allow ourselves to acknowledge what we know,…
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Coaching and the Self - Project Self Life Coaching Turning point signpost

Coaching And The Self

It’s essentially human to find life challenging and to lose our way. Coaching gives you guidance and creates a dynamic relationship where someone is working with you, on your side, with no judgement. We can’t always make it alone. Sometimes we don’t know what the issues are and can’t see past our version of reality. Sometimes we know what the issues are and don’t know what to do about them. Coaching is essentially an exploration of the self. Who we are being, how we are being, both in our self and out in the world. It’s about examining the stories…
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On Feeling Uncertain - Project Self Life Coaching

On Feeling Uncertain

There are some things in life that are certain. Death. Change. And Uncertainty. Uncertainty is integral to change as we transition through states and experiences. It is a vital, transformational territory we have to navigate. Uncertainty in effect is a state of questioning. What will happen? How will I cope? How long will it last? Questions without definitive answers. Questions without definitive answers tend to make us anxious and uncomfortable because how can we make decisions without answers? How can we be certain we’ve made the right choice if we don’t know? Our brains are wired to keep us safe.…
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On Slowing Down - Project Self Life Coaching

On Slowing Down

This is the second part of a piece reflecting on time. Wasting Time explored the link between values of achievement and the need to be busy, rushing and filling time. Slowing down time is about developing our capacity to be still, find pauses, value moments and appreciate time by being present; being in time not working against it. Slowing down time is about slowing ourselves down. We can create a sense of time and space for ourselves; only through deliberate choices about our relationship with time. Manage time by saying no to an unnecessary sense of obligation. Be mindful and realistic…
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